


Welcome to Cecil's House

by asimpleline18



Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: M/M, Mentions of Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-12
Updated: 2015-03-12
Packaged: 2018-03-17 13:30:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3531098
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asimpleline18/pseuds/asimpleline18
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Faceless Old Woman who Secretly Lives in Your Home welcomes You to Cecil's home, on date night noneless.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Welcome to Cecil's House

_Hello, stranger. Welcome to my home. Well it is not my home, it is just one of the many homes that I occupy. You are welcome to stay with me. How can you see me when I was invisible before? You are my future child. Look in that mirror. Your face is slowly becoming featureless like mine._

_Are you invisible? Of course! You disappeared ages ago. You only just started reappearing to me but people are probably noticing you out of the corner of their eyes by now. After you lose your face, you're consciousness will be absorbed into mine and you will find your own home to occupy. Someone is sure building a lot of houses in the Desert Creek housing development lately._

_Shhh. Your questions will all be answered soon. The resident of this home has returned. Oh, look! He has a visitor. What do you mean "hide"? We cannot be seen except out of the corner of their eyes. You recognize the one in the lab coat? Of course you do. That is Carlos. That idiot on the radio has to mention him at least once a broadcast. Speaking of radio idiots, this is his house. Now be quiet! I want to hear what they're saying._

"So, brilliant scientist, what do we do now?" asked the albino man with dancing purple tattoos. It looks like he had on normal date night attire. Black slacks, a crisp white shirt with its sleeves rolled up to his elbows, and a purple sweater vest that was the exact same shade as his tattoos.

The other man had on a charcoal suit with a burgundy tie and a spotless lab coat. "I don't know, Cecil," Carlos said in a slightly nasally voice. "It seems like your house is experiencing more supernatural activity than usual."

Cecil sighed, "Carlos, I thought we agreed that there was no science to be done on date night unless it was something catastrophic. Whatever is here now may very well be here tomorrow."

_They always have this fight. It's quite boring actually. I think the scientist one is out to get me. He wants to somehow explain me. Quite tedious actually. I wish to remain the mysterious woman that I am. Now Cecil is going to take the lab coat off of Carlos who is going to miss it until Cecil hugs him tightly. It's like a security blanket for that man. If it were up to me, I would burn it but when I last suggested that to Cecil, he threatened to lock up his kitchen. He knows that I prefer his out of all of Night Vale. I could break into it but that would impede my morning coffee that I need to functio_ n.

"Oh wait. I almost forgot. Hello, Faceless Old Woman. How are you today?" he said to no one. Then he said to Carlos, "She gets angry when I don't say hello when I return home. She would make tonight difficult if I forgot."

_Actually, I got angry at his microwave this morning so I'm taking it out on him anyway. There are seventeen different buttons on it but the only one that doesn't complain when you try to use it is the "+30 sec" one. No, I don't have time to read the manual. I wanted my coffee so I could start planning my revenge. Why didn't I set it on fire like I usually do? The reason Cecil has the best kitchen is because it still has all its appliances._

"Cecil, doesn't it freak you out a little that she can watch us do anything anywhere? Like in the bedroom?" Carlos asks

"Why? As far as I know, she's a completely non-sexual being. What reason would she want to watch us there?" He replied.

_So I can do this._

She disappears and reappears just behind carlos. "Hello, Carlos," she says in a sultry voice next to his ear.

He jumped. "H-hi, Faceless Old Woman. How are you?"

"I'm just doing fine," she replied, running her fingertips across his cheek which cause him to shiver.

"Ah, there you are Faceless Old Woman. Do you have any requests for breakfast tomorrow? I also need to buy coffee soon. Any preferences?" Cecil asked the supernatural being like she was his roommate.

"I won't be eating breakfast here tomorrow morning. Your least favorite person in the world is making scones for the PTA meeting and I decided to drop by his place to rectify his choice. Hazelnut would be appreciated, dear. You can bring home whole beans. I just love to crush them myself and watch the life fade behind those little eyes," she replied.

"Very good. I'll keep that in mind. Umm... If that's all, it is date night so um... we'll be going upstairs now."

She leans towards Cecil's ear and whispers, "Have a good night. I shall leave you two be. I have an intern to train," and then she said in a louder, bored sounding voice, "Very well. Don't stay up all night, you two. You know how it keeps me up too."

Carlos face reddened. "We'll keep that in mind, ma'am."

_I love taunting those two. It's so fun. The scientist gets so flustered._

The two men stumbled up the stairs and a door was slammed at the top.

_No, no. We don't have to follow them. I did that a couple of times. They're rather boring. It does nothing for me. Cecil will slam Carlos against the back of the door and kiss him until Carlos pushes him toward the bed while disrobing. Cecil gets a strip tease and then he removes his clothes too. Then they have sex, fall asleep, and stumble out of bed in the morning._

The faceless old woman started sifting through the mail Cecil brought in. _Never anything for me._

She went over to the bookcase and started to carelessly pull books off the shelves only to throw them onto the floor. _It's about time to rearrange Cecil's books. He did it two weeks ago but that was his system. Mine is different and I don't like the way he organizes the books alphabetically by author's first name. It's so ordinary. I like books arranged alphabetically by the last name of the title. I enjoy searching through the books to find what I'm looking for. I always come across other books I meant to read so I forget looking for what I wanted in the first place. It is sweet procrastination._

The woman worked for a little while.

_You're bored?! Fine. We'll go upstairs but it will do nothing for you. You are becoming me. We do not experience the same things as multidimensional beings._

Suddenly, the surrounds were Cecil's bedroom instead of his living room. Well, you're at least getting the hang of things.

The two men were under a thin sheet. Carlos was on top devouring Cecil's mouth. _Ugh. Look at that. Humans are so messy. All those body fluids and being near each other. I don't care how enjoyable it feels, I can't believe people commit such acts outside of trying to procreate. I'm just glad I have transcended being human enough to learn how to reproduce asexuality. Yes, catastrophic environmental factors can wipe out all the beings attached to me. I'd rather that happen then me go through with that._

Carlos kept shifting against Cecil in what must have been a pleasing motion if Cecil's moans were anything to go by.

_Are you done being a voyeur yet? This is both boring and disgusting. Look at them being so close together, rubbing bodies together. Ugh._

In the background, Carlos started moaning and Cecil's gained pitch. The surroundings were suddenly the living room again.

_Finally. I have things to do. As long as those two are awake, I have to stay awake. I have things I want to finish, like rearranging those books. After, I plan to clean out Cecil's fridge. He's not home often enough. There's food in there that's over a year old. It's ruining what I like to eat._

_Oh look. There you go. This transformation was quite painless. You were annoying though. That's all over. Welcome to your new state of being. Time for bed then. Goodnight, Night Vale, goodnight._

**Author's Note:**

> I had this idea so long ago and I started this like 5 months ago. I'm happy to say that I've finally finished it. I'm a lazy, lazy writer.


End file.
